Gerrymandering the Living Room?

Ask El Gorto

Dear El Gorto,

My roommate, who happens to be my ex, and I share a house, and we had a huge fight. She accused me of gerrymandering the living room. Is this possible?

Sincerely,
Jay Acussé

Dear Jay,

When you live with your ex, anything is possible. I think Virginia Woolf was spot on when she said, “Every man needs a cave of his own.” I recommend you move out before it’s too late and in the meantime, put your stuff in the basement.

Dutifully yours,
El Gorto

Minus-Size Model

Ask El Gorto
Ever eat a Pine Tree? Many parts are edible – Euell Gibbons

Dear El Gorto,

I can’t get my kids to eat. I fear they will all become minus-size models. What’s a mom to do?

Choosy Mother

Dear Choosy:

I’m no nutritionist but I learned a thing or two from the great Euell Gibbons, the Grape-Nuts Pusher. When in doubt, use Nutella. Spread it on everything. You’ll get those picky kids eating liver and onions before you know it. 

— El Gorto