Shake and Bake (for Khalid)

Baby, we can shake and bake
You can invite all your friends
But it don’t have to get too weird
Or anything like that
I ain’t saying you’re not enough,
Hear me out
Just wanting all the seven
Of the essential ingredients
So baby, we can shake and bake
Shake and bake
Shake and bake
In the kitchen and maybe in the rest of the house
Or something like that
But not in the crawl space, too dusty
And I never had mitigated for the radon
For you and me
First, it’s in the sack
Then maybe on the rack
But we don’t have to get too hot
We’ll pre-heat the oven
And do like a Goldilocks
It will be just right
If it’s okay, maybe later we can get out the plates
And the silverware
I ain’t saying we got to get all crispy
But we have to be seasoned
Maybe some extra napkins
Not suggesting we get all messy
Or anything like that
Just a precaution
I think you know what I mean?
If spill or something like that
I apologize in advance
Hope it don’t make you uncomfortable
When I plop the chicken in the pan
You can close the door
And shut off the oven light
I know what it is you love
Each and every one
Not five or six
Of those
Seven essential ingredients
So baby, we can shake and bake
Shake and bake
Shake and bake
Invite your hot cousin
If you really want
Okay, you don’t have to
Never mind what I just said
We can shake and bake
Just me and you is okay
We can shake and bake
Shake and bake…
And I helped

Nietzsche in the Morning, then Just Walk Away

Ask El Gorto
Young Freddy Nietzche at Mickey’s Blue Haven Bar in Hell’s Kitchen

Dear El Gorto,

I am a graduating philosophy student at Cornell College in Iowa and am a huge fan of yours. Your book, Finding Balance, really helped me with both my yoga poses and when things were not going so well with my boyfriend.

I am finishing my Honors Thesis on Nietzsche’s The Gay Science. My question to you, El Gorto, is simply, how do you apply Nietzsche’s philosophy in your day-to-day life? 


Molly Ringwalder
Mount Vernon, Iowa

Dear Molly,

It’s hard to be sure of anything, but I do know Mount Vernon is in Virginia, and Cornell is in Ithaca, New York. So don’t try to fool me.

As far as applying Nietzsche to my everyday life, simple: That which doesn’t kill El Gorto, makes El Gorto stronger. 

Slightly miffed,
El Gorto