Minus-Size Model

Ask El Gorto
Ever eat a Pine Tree? Many parts are edible – Euell Gibbons

Dear El Gorto,

I can’t get my kids to eat. I fear they will all become minus-size models. What’s a mom to do?

Choosy Mother

Dear Choosy:

I’m no nutritionist but I learned a thing or two from the great Euell Gibbons, the Grape-Nuts Pusher. When in doubt, use Nutella. Spread it on everything. You’ll get those picky kids eating liver and onions before you know it. 

— El Gorto 

From Sorry Sucker

Ask El Gorto
Dear El Gorto,
The boys at the gym keep calling me “Sorry Sucker.” What’s a guy to do?
— Sorry Sucker
Dear Sucker,
My gut feeling is you should join another gym, but I bet the fellas there might call you something else, Maybe something worse?

First things first, send me their names and tell me where they live. Sounds like an attitude adjustment is needed.

Secondly, and I know this goes against the grain of my philosophy, but take it down a thousand. If you got to be a sucker, then why not be a sorry one? At least you know you got a problem. 

El Gorto