Dean Fetish

Ask El Gorto
Now that’s Amore.

Dear El Gorto,

Dean Martin is not a long-haired hippie who takes LSD, speed, etc. When he is in a movie it is not sexy like most other movies. He does not need a band to make music because he himself fills the air with a romantic song. There are still some who prefer relaxing music to rock ‘n’ roll.

— Jim Johnson, Wood River, Ill.

Dear Jim,

You got a question or do you just need to rant?  I bet you drive your whole family nuts. Keep it up. There’s a whole cottage industry for guys like you, (bumper stickers and truck stop novelty items). 

Listen, pal. I admire your grit and your unabashed man love for the great Dean Martin, but you’ll never catch me watching a Matt Helm movie. 

— El Gorto

Hell of a Cast!

Gerrymandering the Living Room?

Ask El Gorto

Dear El Gorto,

My roommate, who happens to be my ex, and I share a house, and we had a huge fight. She accused me of gerrymandering the living room. Is this possible?

Jay Acussé

Dear Jay,

When you live with your ex, anything is possible. I think Virginia Woolf was spot on when she said, “Every man needs a cave of his own.” I recommend you move out before it’s too late and in the meantime, put your stuff in the basement.

Dutifully yours,
El Gorto