Wait at least a month before buying anything to see if you really need it. If it is a big purchase, give it at least three months. If you still want it, give it a little more time. If you’re buying something just to get laid, then you should already own it. – El Gorto
In spite of her kleptomania, Goldilocks knew what was just right. — El Gorto, Finding Balance
Don’t let your mind make promises your body has no intention of keeping. — El Gorto
“Jon [Voight] was never the same after that famed chicken fight up in Laurel Canyon. Burt [Reynolds] nearly strangled him with his thighs of steel, but Jon— always the tough guy—never said anything. Burt just kept on squeezing. Once Jon did talk, we simply ignored him, a real tragedy.” — El Gorto, The Great American Chicken Fight
Dear El Gorto,
Dean Martin is not a long-haired hippie who takes LSD, speed, etc. When he is in a movie it is not sexy like most other movies. He does not need a band to make music because he himself fills the air with a romantic song. There are still some who prefer relaxing music to rock ‘n’ roll.
— Jim Johnson, Wood River, Ill.
Dear Jim,
You got a question or do you just need to rant? I bet you drive your whole family nuts. Keep it up. There’s a whole cottage industry for guys like you, (bumper stickers and truck stop novelty items).
Listen, pal. I admire your grit and your unabashed man love for the great Dean Martin, but you’ll never catch me watching a Matt Helm movie.
— El Gorto
I shouldn’t have to say this, but I must. Under no circumstances eat sauerkraut before undertaking vigorous activity of any sort. Have made myself clear?
El Gorto
Life is hard enough, never mix up allure and a lure.
— El Gorto
Gambling can ruin a life and I don’t recommend it. But if you can’t help yourself, bet on Turkish soccer, it’s as close as anyone can get to a sure thing.
— El Gorto
